I had a really strange dream a couple of nights ago that I've been thinking about a lot lately. In the dream, I felt like I was a mouse. Even stranger, I think I was a boy mouse, standing in the middle of basketball court within a city I was never in before. I wasn't even sure of what to call it until Surly explained it to me.
I remember the rumble of nearby cars (but I never saw any) and the honking of horns in the distance. I was alone, and I had a backpack on. I had a shirt on and some shorts, but my shirt was very torn up, almost completely ragged. I didn't feel like I had been hurt or anything; I was more just lonely and confused.
I felt like there was somewhere I was supposed to be, but maybe I had gotten lost and didn't know what to do. I sort of just wandered around the court a little, feeling really anxious.
And then, very suddenly, I was not alone anymore. There were three otter boys wearing orange shorts. They were cute, but the look on their faces were mean. They were chuckling as they approached me. I just stood there because I didn't even know where I was supposed to go.
One of them grabbed me by my shirt and yanked me close to him, so that our eyes were locked. I was scared, but I still could not think of anything to say or do. I just looked at him, and he gazed back at me with a mean grin. And then he kissed me.
It was strange because it felt gay even though I'm really female. But I felt like a confused boy in my dream. I don't know how else to explain it. It just felt that way.
After the forced kiss, I felt a little dizzy. I wanted to ask him why he kissed me and why he was acting so mean, but I didn't get a chance. He balled up his little fist and punched me. And when I fell to my back in shock, he leapt on top of me and began beating me up. The other two otters joined in. They leapt at both of us, but they were all focusing on hurting me than each other.
I feel like I screamed, but I couldn't hear anything but my own whimpering--nothing but grunts and whines while I tried to scream. And all the while, they were just pummeling me. I don't think I felt real pain, but I acted like I was being hurt and badly bruised from the treatment.
During the violent bullying, I felt my clothes pulled off. A lot of it happened when I was trying to get away. I was being grabbed all over, and when I felt my penis get exposed, I felt so humiliated and embarrassed.
I saw one of the otters run away with my clothing and my backpack. I held out my hand to stop him, but I just got punched in my face again. There was nothing this little mouse boy could do.
The two remaining otters stood above my beaten body and pulled down their shorts. They then proceeded to pee on me as they chuckled. I could hear them saying mean things about me, but I can't remember their exact words. When they were finished, they walked away and left me there, alone and naked in some basketball course.
I remember I was crying. I sat there, hugging my knees and wondering what I should do. I felt like I had lost everything. But then that one otter, the one that had kissed me first, came back. He came over and sat next to me. He still looked mean, but he wasn't trying to do anything.
This otter pointed at me and then at himself. He then formed two hooks with his index fingers and linked them together. I think he was trying to say that I belonged to him... and so I nodded. He nodded back... and then I woke up.
Like I said, I don't remember feeling pain. I just felt humiliated and helpless. I felt dirty too. I don't know who those otters were or even what they might represent, but I do know that, for some strange reason, I liked that one otter... even after what he did. I don't know how else to explain it.
Anyways, that's it for now. I want you to consider looking into Surly's most recent book "Platformer." Here is some information for you:
"Platformer"
$14.99 - Paperback Edition
$5.99 - Kindle Edition
To be a submissive is to APPRECIATE abuse. It's the pleasure of pain. Your fondness for the first otter was because his cruelty was personal... and intimate.
ReplyDeleteI know I've always been more of a submissive person. I always cared about others, especially Dagget, who I could see was having a lot of problems. It's a little hard to think about it like you say, but I think it's probably accurate. I got a lot to think about.
DeleteInteresting that you were living through the perspective of a boy in the dream. I am sorry that you went through the ordeal, even if it was just a dream. Desires are often played out in dreams, Shawn's assessment is a good one.
ReplyDeleteSurly talks a lot about boys and gay stuff to me. It probably seeped into my head. It was an interesting experience. I didn't hate it.
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