I don't think he was really hurt. I undressed him, and he really did look awful. The only thing was that he didn't seem to be in any pain. I just don't understand how he could have gotten hurt like this at all. I always saw him as an impervious creature. I mean... isn't he God? Can God be wounded?
I touched one of his wounds, and I asked him if it hurt. He only shrugged. Still, he was depressed. He told me he just wanted to lie down and forget about everything. I asked him what happened, but he didn't want to talk about it. This mood of his continued for a long time. It was affecting me about the same, and, because of this, I haven't had the energy or will to write a new blog.
Over the weeks, his wounds disappeared. The bleeding stopped on the first night, so I didn't have to worry about that. He spent a lot of time in the shower. I always went in with him to make sure every part of him was thoroughly cleaned. Yes, we have a shower. Um... It's hard to explain. The room is getting bigger. It's been only one room for a long time... and over the last month or so... it's gotten bigger. It's beginning to feel more like a home than just the room of a brothel. The neon is still everywhere though. Without it's constant hum, I'd probably lose my mind.
Surly still worked on his current book. He never skipped a beat, but it did nothing to change his mood. He always got up after finishing a chapter and just looked awful. He isn't taking anything out on me. If anything he has been very caring and compassionate to me, but his mood is the same. He's really hurting, and I don't know why.
I get the feeling that the stuff he works on when he leaves is really important to him. Like... it's becoming a working part of who he is. He's risking himself for the sake of whatever the mission is. And honestly... I'd really scared that I'm going to lose him.
It doesn't make any sense. I'm married to the God of the multiverse. How could I lose him? I'm the most likely to be lost; he lost me before. I'm the weak one between the two of us. But the very idea that Surly can be lost scares me to death. It just feels like everything will just fall away into nothing. If I cease to exist, will anything I ever saw, touched, or felt even have happened? I'm teary-eyed just thinking about it. I don't want to think about it. I just want Surly to be better. I want him to smile. I want him to make love to me with that wonderful and wise sparkle in his elderly eyes. I miss it so much.
I hope he isn't upset with me for writing this. I just had to. The whole thing has been bearing down on me so hard. I won't be promoting any specific book this week, but I will leave a link to where you can see his collection. Please have a look at his creations. He needs your support.
You can find the complete works of Buddy Tippet by clicking HERE.
